Vibrating Leprechaun

"Vibrating Leprechaun" is the eleventh track on Logan Whitehurst's debut album, Outsmartin' The Popos.

Lyrics
Okay, we're gonna get started, doot doo.

(Left speaker) I remember way back in the war. Yeah, it was 400 years ago, it were, the Spanish Revolution. It was one of those wars where you had to hike up your hiking boots and put your underwear over your head if you just wanted a can of beans. I mean, you look at some of those guys and you think, "Holy Macarena." Them guys got them watch them leavin' sunglasses booked up off their head. Rope, roast, leavin' their teeth on the front porch. So, I turn on the fan, and Edguardo goes, "Hey man, what's up with them dentures?" And I said, "Look, Edguardo, it ain't none of your business, you go pokin' around the beeswax, leavin' the driveway." And he goes, "What?" And I say, "I remember, you're that guy who took the plane from that, you know, 7:40 this morning." And he said, "I'm sorry, you're gonna have to get away from me now, 'cause you're scarin' me." So, then I told him a story, and I said, "Way back, 17,000 years to the dawn of time, with the spandex and <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">zip-hop music playing in the back of the car, and we were sweepin' up <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">the intersection." And he said something to me, and I looked at him, <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">and I, heheh, you should've seen what I done, but I forgot. But they <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">gave me a trophy, and it's in the parlor, with my son's underwear. <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">[That's where I've been dying, in the broken towers with the goats and <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">the things.] You know, it was the frightening stuff, like, uh, Freddy <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">Crougar. Boy, I was comparing Freddy Crougar to my son's underwear <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">with the thing on top, 'cause he's got the heart little shaped thing <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">pin box to the back and never made turtles [halt, just come down, <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">watch them thorougly], just be quiet and don't disturb the passing <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">turtles. I broke the corner off of it, but I guess I can glue it back <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">when I'm, when I get, when I get around to it. (coughing) Stupid <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">leprechaun, he should watch where he's going. He done tripped and fell <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">down my esophagus. Aw, I gotta clean my socks and wash them. Baywatch, <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">there's on the television. It wasn't all that great a show, but David <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">Hasselhoff, Ooh boy, there's some great directin' skills they got. 5 <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">toes on each foot, and there's speckles. It's the whole helicopter <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">principle, you know, you take 7...

<span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">(Right speaker) <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">Tranquility roams the outer world and reaches of my mind. Touching <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">the mirror of eternity and seeing the fall of Rome and the rise of <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">Hitler. Rising to the height, ramsfoot, getting stepped on by the <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">traffic of humanity. ['Lo does the ant good,] There's no good to <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">everyone else's pain. Happy little bunnies fall from the sky and <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">bounce off the hood ornament of Edsl that belongs to my mean old <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">crotchety neighbor, with a smelly dog. They begin to jump up and down <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">and down and up and up and over and through and under and inside out <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">and on top of babblin', babblin', Babylon, about the pain, paint job, <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">and the pain he went through to get that paint job, that fine Edsl. <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">With the new chrome rims on his [insul intel?] grows grass from the <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">cover of the Time Magazine that sits under the front seat. It sits <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">there collecting dust and Hanson. More rams that have stepped on <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">Hitler. And, frozen water that doesn't make ice, but makes frozen <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">water. And dust falls like does the dust of all the trees in <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">wonderment that arise out of the floor of the rain forest. Walls <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">breathe and crawl And fall and cry and, and they cry out WRAAAAGH! <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">Stop killing me! I'm only a wall got pushed into me forever, expect me <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">to take it. I can't just sit here. I have my own feelings too. I'm a <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">wall, am I not? Don't nouns have feelings? I'm a noun, like any other <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">noun. Person, place, thing, you're a person, you have feelings. I'm a <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">wall. Stop, I don't want that Bruce Stingsteen, Spring Stingsting <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">blister on me. His butt is getting old and worn, that man is near 60. <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">He's got an ugly wife and uglier kids. He has hair. Vibrations and <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">waves, they run rapid in the universe. Many things in age wiggle and <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">jiggle. We call a wiggle in time a Vibration. And a wiggle in space a <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">wave. A wiggle cannot, in one phase, exist. Gets dyslexia cam. It runs <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">rapid in our school systems. Ding dong, we must correct this small <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">inefficiency of it. And there's no money, 'cause all the money <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">grubbing cheese mice take it.

<span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">STOP!

<span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">(Left speaker)

<span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;">Uh oh, done cut me off!