Happy Noodle v. Sad Noodle (1998)

"Happy Noodle v. Sad Noodle" is the sixth track off of Logan Whitehurst's second album, I Would Be A Biggest Octopus.

Lyrics
Happy Noodle led the sort of life the working stiff dreams about; driving a Studebaker, making pies with his wife, taking a dip in the old swimmin' hole. Yessir, Happy Noodle had it good and he wasn't complaining. He always waved and smiled and tipped his hat and said Nice weather we're having (regard- less of the weather). Now, as most protag- onists do, he had an antagonist, a polar opposite, bent on nullifying his happy ex- istence. His name was Sad Noodle; a pathetic excuse for an egg-and-flour mixture (with a  little extra water, just for tears). He worked in a successful firm and was under a  lot of stress, and this is the story of their ultimate battle.

<span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">Happy Noodle versus Sad Noodle <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">Happy Noodle versus Sad, Sad Noodle <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">Happy Noodle versus Sad Noodle <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">Happy Noodle versus Sad, Sad Noodle

<span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">One day, as Happy Noodle was out mowing <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">the lawn, an Edsel pulled up in front of the <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">house. It was Sad Noodle. He leaned his <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">ropy head out the window and said --Look, <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">Happy Noodle: I'm sick of being your polar <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">opposite. You know, sad all the time and <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">what-not. It makes it hard to get along. <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">I've come to challenge you to a duel to the <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">death.-- So Happy Noodle put down his mower <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">and obliged, saying --If it'll make you <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">happy!-- and Sad Noodle cringed. He hopped <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">into the back seat and they were off to the <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">gravel pit, Happy Noodle singing all the way <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">and Sad Noodle driving like a madman. <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">--This'll end it all!-- thought Sad Noodle, <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">and they prepared for the fight. Strange <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">sight: two noodles standing face to face, <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">one smiling and one frowning.

<span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">Happy Noodle versus Sad Noodle...

<span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">Thinking on his feet, Sad Noodle used his head <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">As a whip and tried to trip Happy Noodle but he slipped <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">And he flipped face-first on the ground with a sound <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">Like a wet noodle slapping the ground kind of sound <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">Then Happy Noodle wrapped Sad Noodle up around a tree, said See <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">Sad Noodle, dont'cha mess with me 'cause I be the baddest Noodle <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">There will ever be! I'm happy!

<span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">Happy Noodle versus Sad Noodle...

<span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">So after Happy Noodle untied Sad Noodle, they <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">got back in the car. Sad Noodle, defeated, <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">dejected, depressed, dropped Happy Noodle off <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">at his door and said --You know what? I  <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">don't think that helped me very much.-- And <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">Happy Noodle said --Sad Noodle, why don't you <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">come in for some pie?-- And Sad Noodle said <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">--No, I'm sorry. I don't like pie all that <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">much, but thanks all the same.--

<span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Times;font-size:small;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-center;">Happy Noodle versus Sad Noodle...